Being a Student at Motherhood

*This is an old post from my personal blog written in 2012.*

 

Lately I have been thinking about what life was like before having my son. I can’t really remember even though it was only 6 months ago that he became apart of my life. One thing I do remember is that I was in college and for the past several years my life revolved around school. My schedule was set around classes. On the first day of the semester I would get all of my syllabi and write down in my calendar all of the things I had to do, when to do them, and when they had to be turned in. I had a nice system going. Everything was scheduled, predictable, and I had a good handle on what I was doing. I rarely doubted my ability to succeed in school. I was great at being a student.

Now I’m a college graduate and, more importantly, I am a mother. Being a mother is nothing like being a student (other than the fact that I am constantly learning). I sometimes doubt my ability to be a good mother. Am I doing this right? Am I missing something? Am I totally screwing this up? Am I a good mom to my son? I don’t always feel very confident and about every other week or so I come to the end of myself. I lose my patience and feel like I can’t do this anymore. I always feel so guilty about having a breakdown but I know that I’m only human. No person could be all that a mother is and not have a breakdown every once in a while. There are many more to come, I am sure.

My life is just so different now. I can’t schedule my life a whole few months ahead of time anymore. I’m no longer going semester by semester but day by day. Heck, not even that. It’s more like minute to minute. I like to have a schedule. I like to be able to know ahead of time what is going to happen so I can plan my response or reaction. But with a baby, it’s all one huge crap shoot. I wish Grayson came with a manuel that was specific just to him. That would make things so much easier and I would never feel lost or like a failure. Things weren’t meant to be that easy though.

There is nothing else quite as humbling as being a mother. There is nothing else that will bring you to the end of yourself quicker. There is nothing that could make you feel more guilty, more crazy, or more exhausted than being a mother. This is hard work. But if it weren’t hard, I wouldn’t grow. I wouldn’t become better and the work wouldn’t mean as much. I wouldn’t become more holy because I wouldn’t need to seek Jesus. That is what I need to do more often: seek Jesus. Without Him, I can’t do this.

I graduated Cum Laude. I was a good student. Now, I’m trying to be a good student at motherhood. I’m not sure how well I’m doing but my son smiles at me and loves being held by me so I guess I’m not doing too bad. There is much room for improvement though and maybe by the time Grayson is a father I’ll have some of this figured out. I’ll never become the perfect mother I want to be and the sooner I become okay with that the better. I need to remind myself that my focus needs to be on glorifying God in motherhood and caring for my son in a way that pleases Him. He has called me to be a mother to Grayson. He chose me. With His strength, wisdom, and guidance, I can do this.

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The Child Banning Movement: Children Are an Inconvenience

*This week I’m posting old posts from my personal blog.*

© Studiopaula | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

© Studiopaula | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

I was disturbed to discover that there is such a thing as “the child banning movement” and that it is spreading. Businesses are banning children from their premises. Why? Because adults without children want peace and quiet. They don’t want to have to listen to a crying baby or a child throwing a tantrum. They don’t want to put up with children running around and getting in their way. What’s wrong with this? This movement is only furthering the “children are an inconvenience” mindset. This mindset has been growing for years. Children are no longer seen as blessings, a full quiver, or as our future. They are seen as an inconvenience to the adult agenda. They are in the way, they hinder our plans, and they cause frustration. Our adult society is becoming more and more selfish as time progresses. We are so caught up in our own agenda that we fail to make the helpless, impressionable, and immature children that God has given us a priority. We forget that children are just that, they are children. They are not adults; you cannot expect them to act as adults. It is our job, the adult, the parent, to train children so that they become the mature and capable adult we all want them to be. But we fail to do even that. We want to ban them, remove them more and more from the public, from our functioning society for the sake of the adults peace and quiet. Children are vital to our future yet we ignore them, restrict them, and treat them as an inconvenience.

There are terribly misbehaved children out there and any child can be frustrating and infuriating at times. The issue here is bad parenting and even when good parenting takes place, there is simply sin nature. Banning children from public places is not the cure for bad parenting. It is not the answer.

Children are not an inconvenience. They should not be viewed that way. They are blessings. Psalm 127:4-5 says, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.” This is how we should view children. They are also fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:13-15 says, “For You formed my inward parts;You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth.”

Here is an insightful quote from a very wise man, my husband.
I used to get annoyed at hearing crying babies in public, like restaurants & the like, but a sermon by Voddie Baucham changed that. Whenever I get annoyed now I remind myself of the value placed upon kids, who will be kids because they are only learning to be future adults.

The sadness is twofold: bad parenting (but let’s be honest, great parenting doesn’t always equal pleasant children, all the time) & a high view of convenience. We have bought in to the “how many kids can we afford” mindset, the kids are inconveniences belief. Well let’s not think this way anymore. They are arrows in our quivers, blessings, & the greatest way to pass on Christ’s reign.”

Kyle put it very well using Psalm 127. “They are arrows in our quivers, blessings, & the greatest way to pass on Christ’s reign.” If only every adult, parent or not, had this mindset. We need to begin to treat children as precious gifts from God and embrace our parental role (or adult role) by cherishing them (tempers and all), training them, teaching them, and bringing them up in the way they should go and when they are old (have matured into an adult) they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

People ask, “What is wrong with kids these days? What to do?” The problem isn’t the children. The answer is not banning children which will and is leading to failing to integrate them into society. The problem is adults, parents, and the answer is to reevaluate our view of children and their value. The answer is to take back our authoritative yet loving role of taking these precious gifts and guiding them through life. They desperately need that.

Children are a Blessing

*This week I’m posting old posts from my personal blog.*

Children are a blessing not because they are given to you to obey your every rule, to live up to your expectations, to live in such a way as to not make you look bad, to love you, to listen to you, or to make every moment a joy. No, children are a blessing because they are given to you, a poor, pathetic mess of a person, as a gift to teach you, grow you, and edify you as you pour everything you have into them. They are a blessing because God uses them to sanctify you as you stand by them no matter what they do or who they become.

Parents, would you agree? Give your thoughts.