Real Marriage: Sex

Woo hoo! It’s time to talk about sex!


In chapter six of Real Marriage, the Driscolls talk about sex as either a god, a gross experience, or a gift. We all have different views of sex and we either see sex as a god, as something gross, or as a gift from God. We are going to take a close look at each of these perspectives, decide which one we relate with most, and then determine how we should respond.


People see sex as a god when it is something that they pursue, something they can’t live without, something that tends to control them. People who view pornography see sex as a god. People who masturbate see sex as a god. People who sexually cheat, fantasize, and think about sex in a pornographic way see sex as a god. They, in a way, worship sex. It is their idol.

A quote in the book stood out to me when Driscoll wrote, “Idolatry happens when a good thing (like sex) becomes a god thing (like adultery), which is a bad thing.” Sex is a good thing but when people make it an idol, they have put the creation above the Creator. They have made it into something that God did not intend.


And so it also is when people see sex as gross. There are two reasons for why people may see sex as gross. One, they were raised to think that “sex” is a bad word and that it is something to be ashamed of. Sex isn’t something you should talk about, think about, or even feel. It is just a “necessary evil” for procreation.

Another reason for why people may see sex as gross is because they or someone close to them was sexually abused. Though sex itself is not bad, how it is used can be bad. Being sexually abused can make consensual sex feel gross or wrong. It is the abuser who has perverted sex and forced it onto someone else, influencing that person’s view and feelings toward sex.


God created sex for a husband and wife. It is not only for reproduction but for intimacy and enjoyment. It is a gift from God to His children so that they can fulfill the command to “be fruitful and multiply” and keep their marriages strong. Driscoll wrote, “Because sex is a gift that God gave, it is His intent that we steward and enjoy that gift, like every gift He gives, in such a way that is glorious to Him and good for our marriages. Sex is a powerful gift that God gives to married couples. Furthermore, it provides six good and glorious benefits.”

Those benefits are:

  1. Sex is for pleasure.
  2. Sex is for creating children.
  3. Sex is for oneness.
  4. Sex is for knowledge.
  5. Sex is for protection. 
  6. Sex is for comfort.

God didn’t give sex just to satisfy people’s sexual needs or just to reproduce. He gave it as the most deep, vulnerable, and intimate way for people to bond and become one with their spouse. It’s a beautiful thing when used as God intended, when viewed as a gift from Him, and not put on a pedestal or seen as gross.


Which do you lean towards most? Is sex a god, is it gross, or is it a gift?  How does your view effect your relationship with your spouse?

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