Social medias are blowing up with the news of Kermit Gosnell’s murder trial but the national media has remained relatively silent. I have read many articles about Gosnell today and the more I read the more my heart breaks and my anger boils. The evilness that has taken place at Gosnell’s abortion clinic is unspeakable. The stories that staff members have told about what they did and witnessed are unbelievable. Truly, the heart of any person who can perform an abortion is depraved and hardened but the heart of a person who can go to the extent of inducing labor and delivering viable and active babies and then kill them by decapitation is absolutely black with evil. It is deplorable. And then hospitals, the health department, and the state department ignore the complaints, turn a blind eye, and are satisfied with an incomplete investigation! It is despicable! And now the national media is ignoring this story as well which leaves people ignorant of what is going on.
We must cry out to the Lord for His mercy and justice. We must speak out on the behalf of all those women who have been mistreated and for all those babies whose lives have been taken from them.
If you haven’t heard about Gosnell then please take the time to read these articles and spread the word.
Why Dr. Kermit Gosnell’s Trial Should Be a Front-Page Story
(Please note that this contains graphic imagery.)
Lord, please come quickly!
May I be transparent for a moment?
It is only four months into 2013 and I already feel worn out and beaten down. I’m overwhelmed.
In January I started this blog. That is a good thing! I believe it is something God wants me to do and that He has blessed it. Just last week I acquired more followers and my homeschooling post was a hit! I am thankful. But this writing business is hard work. It requires time, dedication, and thick skin. Every time I publish a post I am putting myself out there for criticism. Though I know criticism comes with the trade it can be discouraging. Only three full months into this and I am growing weary! I’m not quitting…just admitting that this is hard!
Also in January I had a miscarriage and that experience rocked my world. It was one of the hardest things to go through and though I have come out of my grief, the reality of it still weighs heavy on my heart.
February I was still healing from the miscarriage. It was also the month I was killing myself trying to get Grayson to eat more because his doctor was concerned that he wasn’t gaining enough weight fast enough. I eventually gave it up because my kid just isn’t much of an eater but he’s good and healthy. It was just causing a lot of stress for me and the last thing I need is more stress!
In March I was given two awesome opportunities. One is to guest post for another blog and another is to be a contributing writer in an ebook. I am thrilled to have these opportunities but both of these things require more time and dedication. I’ve had to put the guest post on hold so that I could give more time to the ebook and still meet my endeavor of posting to this blog as regularly as possible. I also need to keep my family a priority so I always try to make sure they get the best of me and not my leftovers. To sum it up: time management and organization with a little one is not easy!
Finally, I have also started seeing a counselor once a week to work through some personal issues. This is proving to be extremely emotionally and mentally exhausting. It’s a good thing because these issues need to be dealt with and I know that God is using this to teach and purify me but it is very hard. It consumes so much of my emotional and mental energy.
All of this on top of my usual duties as a housewife and stay-at-home mom and I am feeling overwhelmed!
So what does this mean for you?
Well, if I’m a little absent from the blog you’ll know why. Also, you can rest knowing that you are not alone. I know I’m not the only woman out there who feels like she’s losing her mind! I know I’m not the only person who wants to run out into the streets waving a white flag and yell, “I surrender! Just leave me be!” Am I right? Come on, you can be a little transparent too. 🙂
We all go through seasons of life where we feel overwhelmed and hard pressed. But it’s only a season and seasons come and go. In the end God will have done a work in me and through me that I don’t deserve but brings Him glory and pleasure anyway. I (and you!) can rest in that tonight.
*This is an old post from my personal blog written in 2012.*
Lately I have been thinking about what life was like before having my son. I can’t really remember even though it was only 6 months ago that he became apart of my life. One thing I do remember is that I was in college and for the past several years my life revolved around school. My schedule was set around classes. On the first day of the semester I would get all of my syllabi and write down in my calendar all of the things I had to do, when to do them, and when they had to be turned in. I had a nice system going. Everything was scheduled, predictable, and I had a good handle on what I was doing. I rarely doubted my ability to succeed in school. I was great at being a student.
Now I’m a college graduate and, more importantly, I am a mother. Being a mother is nothing like being a student (other than the fact that I am constantly learning). I sometimes doubt my ability to be a good mother. Am I doing this right? Am I missing something? Am I totally screwing this up? Am I a good mom to my son? I don’t always feel very confident and about every other week or so I come to the end of myself. I lose my patience and feel like I can’t do this anymore. I always feel so guilty about having a breakdown but I know that I’m only human. No person could be all that a mother is and not have a breakdown every once in a while. There are many more to come, I am sure.
My life is just so different now. I can’t schedule my life a whole few months ahead of time anymore. I’m no longer going semester by semester but day by day. Heck, not even that. It’s more like minute to minute. I like to have a schedule. I like to be able to know ahead of time what is going to happen so I can plan my response or reaction. But with a baby, it’s all one huge crap shoot. I wish Grayson came with a manuel that was specific just to him. That would make things so much easier and I would never feel lost or like a failure. Things weren’t meant to be that easy though.
There is nothing else quite as humbling as being a mother. There is nothing else that will bring you to the end of yourself quicker. There is nothing that could make you feel more guilty, more crazy, or more exhausted than being a mother. This is hard work. But if it weren’t hard, I wouldn’t grow. I wouldn’t become better and the work wouldn’t mean as much. I wouldn’t become more holy because I wouldn’t need to seek Jesus. That is what I need to do more often: seek Jesus. Without Him, I can’t do this.
I graduated Cum Laude. I was a good student. Now, I’m trying to be a good student at motherhood. I’m not sure how well I’m doing but my son smiles at me and loves being held by me so I guess I’m not doing too bad. There is much room for improvement though and maybe by the time Grayson is a father I’ll have some of this figured out. I’ll never become the perfect mother I want to be and the sooner I become okay with that the better. I need to remind myself that my focus needs to be on glorifying God in motherhood and caring for my son in a way that pleases Him. He has called me to be a mother to Grayson. He chose me. With His strength, wisdom, and guidance, I can do this.
When I was being homeschooled back in the 90’s and early 2000’s, homeschooling was a fairly unpopular idea. Whenever I would tell people that I was homeschooled it always came as a big surprise. I would often get questions like, “How does that work? Do you learn anything? Do you have homework?” People typically didn’t know a lot about homeschooling and what they did know was usually negative and wrong. Today, however, homeschooling is becoming more popular. More parents are choosing to home educate their kids over sending them to public schools. The two big reasons I see for that is the government’s involvement and school safety. Parents are getting fed up with the government’s ever increasing involvement in the public school system. They are also becoming more fearful of school shootings. After the shooting at Sandy Hook, I saw some comments from people saying that this was another good reason to homeschool. While being concerned about our children’s safety is a good thing, this is an example of how we tend to make homeschooling the answer. While I fully support home education and, Lord willingly, will homeschool my son, I want to bring some balance to this idea of homeschooling. It isn’t the ultimate answer in raising well mannered, well educated, well adjusted, and intelligent children. It isn’t the answer to shielding our kids from harm or sheltering them from the world.
The reason homeschooling typically produces such great students and upright people is because the parents who choose to homeschool are parents who want to be the ones who parent their children. They want to be involved and they want to have control over what their kids learn and how they learn it. They want to be the main source of influence in their child’s life. It’s not homeschooling itself that produces well educated and responsible young people, it’s the parents. So if it’s the parents that are shaping and raising their children then where they send their kids to school doesn’t matter quite as much. Parents can send their kids to public or private schools and still remain involved in their kids’ lives in and outside of school. It’s up to the parents, not the school, to raise our kids. With that said, this theory works so much better through homeschooling. It’s easier to be involved in your kids lives when you are all at home together. It’s easier to be the main influence in your child’s life when you are not only parenting them but teaching them and discipling them. I believe homeschooling is ideal but the reality is that it isn’t for everyone. So as much as I loved being homeschooled and consider it the only option for my family, it isn’t the answer to raising “good” kids.
I choose to homeschool because I want to be the one to teach my son. I want everything he learns to be saturated in the Word of God and I want to raise him with a godly worldview. I want him at home with me where I can disciple him, play with him, eat meals with him, and use every teachable moment to help press his little heart towards the Truth. I want my son spending more time with me than with the teachers at school. I want to be his parent, not the school. And I believe that my son has a better chance at getting a good education, learning responsibility, maturity, good values and morals, and, most importantly, learning the Word of God, at home than he does attending a school. Those are my personal convictions and I know many who hold the same but the answer to raising “good” kids isn’t where they are educated but how they are parented. Homeschooling is just a tool that many parents are finding to be the best way to raise and educated their kids. Sending your kids to public school doesn’t make you a bad parent. Not being involved and allowing the schools to raise them is what makes you a bad parent. So this is a call, not necessarily to homeschool, but to reclaim your role as parent. My opinion is that this is best done through homeschooling but if that is not your calling then you are certainly not without hope. Being involved in the school, keeping your kids accountable with their grades and homework, spending time with them on a regular basis, and actively being their parent is just as valid as homeschooling.
So no matter how your kids are educated be an involved parent because you are what your kids need more than anyone else.