Three Things Christians Need to Stop Saying in Response to Gay/Marriage Equality

freeimage-5429390I have been seeing a lot of pictures, links, quotes, articles, and statuses about the legalization of gay marriage and marriage equality. Facebook is blowing up with everyone’s thoughts, opinions, and strong convictions. Some of what I am seeing I completely agree with and stand behind but there have been some things that make me angry. It makes me angry because they are things coming from Christians – people who claim to love the Lord and adhere to His Word. I expect nonbelievers to behave and respond as nonbelievers but when Christians respond in a way that goes against God’s Word, His standards, and His values then I am angered. So here are three things that Christians need to stop saying in response to the legalization of gay marriage and marriage “equality.”

1. “I’m a Christian but I believe that gay people have a right to marry the person that they love. I’m not going to judge!”

This statement is basically saying that “I believe in God and the Bible and I know what the Bible says about homosexuality but I’m completely disregarding that because I don’t want to offend anyone. And I think not judging someone means accepting everything they do and believe even though it goes against God and His Word.” This statement reveals that we don’t understand the word “love” or the word “judge.” Nor do we know what it means to be a Christian. We can’t call ourselves Christians and then blatantly go against God’s Truth all in the name of “love” and “equality” as we have defined it. As Christians, everything has to be put through the filter of God’s Word. What do we believe about homosexuality? Look at God’s Word. What is love? Look at God’s Word. How do we define marriage? Look at God’s Word. And we must let the Bible speak for itself. We can’t pick and choose what we like and what makes us feel good. We can’t impose our presuppositions onto what we’re reading. Homosexuality is a sin because God says so. Period.

2. “Let gays get married so they can be just as miserable as the rest of us!”

The message here is that marriage is miserable. What a terrible thing to say! Marriage isn’t all rainbows and sunshine all the time but it is a blessing and a God-made institution. Marriage is sacred and is used as a picture of the Gospel. That is beautiful! Marriage can be hard and at times it can be miserable but the goal of marriage is not happiness but holiness. And often times the hardest experiences in life are what make us more like Christ. Marriage isn’t the end all of this life and it isn’t the answer to all of our problems but please, Christians, let’s not send out the message that marriage is miserable. What is that saying about our marriages and how we feel about our spouses? That is a destructive idea to promote and it doesn’t glorify God and His gift and design of marriage.

3. “Gay people should be condemned to hell.”

We should all be condemned to hell, gay or not. It is true that “all have fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). I have my sin issues and you have your sin issues. Any sin on any scale or level is enough to separate us from God. And it is true that homosexuality is a sin and that does separate people from God. It is perverted and wrong. It goes against God’s design for sexuality and gay marriage goes against God’s design of marriage. It is and will always be wrong according to God’s Word. (Read Romans 1:18-32) And it’s okay to say that. It’s okay to call sin for what it is and to remain faithful to God’s Word. Please, do that! But condemnation should be left to God and God alone. We should not hate homosexuals or condemn them. We should not speak harshly of them or hurt them. We are to love them. That doesn’t mean that we ignore what the Bible says about their lifestyle and that doesn’t mean that we accept their lifestyle. To love them means that we don’t condemn them but rather show them grace and show them Jesus. We should love them to repentance.

Please, fellow Christians, stop saying these things. You (and I!) are hurting the cause of Christ. Let us be more of a herald of the grace and truth that we have found in Jesus Christ rather than a tool of the Devil and a promoter of lies. And please, believe me when I say that I am speaking to myself as well. I am no better. Yet God has placed within me His Truth and I must proclaim it not for my own sake but for His. For His Kingdom, and glory, and honor, may we be biblical in our response to the gay marriage and marriage equality issue. No matter what happens, no matter what our government decides, and no matter what you say, Christ still reigns.

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22 thoughts on “Three Things Christians Need to Stop Saying in Response to Gay/Marriage Equality

  1. Er, um. I am Christian, and because of that I am in favour of equal marriage, and thank God that it will soon be legislated in England and Scotland. I interpret the Bible in context: Romans 1 is about sex during idol worship, common in Ancient Rome. You will be able to find the references if you look, there is a page on my site with some resources.

    What would make you believe that I am/am not a Christian? If you make homosexuality the key issue on whether you think I respect the bible or not, and my respect for the Bible is key to whether or not you think I am Christian, then you make belief on homosexuality too important. You say I cannot call myself a Christian. I object to that.

    When you consider what we share- belief in God, and an attempt to follow Jesus- do you really think my beliefs on homosexuality matter that much?

    • Romans 1 is clearly condemning homosexuality and unnatural sexual relations. Whatever was common or popular in Ancient Rome doesn’t trump the Bible.

      I am not making what you believe about homosexuality the key to whether you respect the Bible or whether you are a Christian. I’m focusing on homosexuality because of what is going on in the States right now concerning marriage equality. Though what you believe about homosexuality isn’t “the key” it certainly reveals what you believe about the Bible. As Christians, what the Bible says SHOULD be important to us. Disregarding what it says means we don’t care about what God says and that reveals the true state of our hearts.

      • So, do you think that I disregard what the Bible says when I say it does not condemn gay relationships which might become marriages? Very different from grubby assignations with malakoi.

      • I’m not sure what your last sentence means but to answer your question: if you believe that the Bible (and because it’s His Word, God) says homosexuality is acceptable then you are disregarding what the Bible says about it because the Bible is very clear that homosexuality is a sin.

      • And if you are now going to question me on whether I consider you a Christian or not I must say this: what I think shouldn’t concern you. It matters what God thinks and what His Word says. You need to take that up with Him, not with me.

      • I know that God considers me a Christian. I know that I am a Christian. Therefore it is important to me what you think, because if you deny that I am a Christian then you fracture the Church, which is Christ’s body on Earth.

      • First of all, I don’t know you or anything about your faith other than what you have said here. Secondly, whether God has chosen you as one of His children is not my call. And lastly, the Bible does say to judge people by their fruit (or works in James) because it is an outpouring of their faith so the fact that you believe in something that the Bible clearly teaches is a sin sends up a red flag. How would you view a Christian who believes it’s okay to cheat on their spouse? Or to steal? Or to kill? As Christians our beliefs need to come from God’s Word. If they don’t then there is something wrong.

  2. Whole hearted.y agree with your post. A lot of Christians are misinterpreting, or just leaving out scriptures on sexual sins.

  3. I also agree with what you wrote. So many Christians don’t want to make waves or go against what society says is o.k. And for those who do take a stand for what is without a doubt Scripture-based, we are attacked, just like it seems you did. It’s such a sensitiv subject for most people today and it seems like they think we are haters, which is totally the opposite. I’ve always said we can still love the sinner (no matter what the sin is), but we still need to hate sin itself. I think satan has confused a lot of Christians on this subject and before any of us discusses it with someone, we do need to know what the Bible says about it. You seemed to have spent time studying God’s Word on homosexuality. His Word never changes. It applies to today, as it did when written.
    In His love, Ann

    • Thank you, Ann. It is definitely a sensitive subject and a lot of people are speaking out of their emotions. Of course it feels “right” or “good” to not make waves or cause offense or to believe in something popular but God’s Word doesn’t always feel good…and that’s a good thing! As Christians, we have to refer to God’s Word as it stands, not our emotions or what’s culturally popular.

      Thanks for your comment!

  4. But the debate over marriage equality is not debating “Is gay marriage biblical?” it’s a question of “Should gay marriage be LEGAL?” Two different things. I think we can probably agree that not all Americans are Christians … does their vote count less than ours? No, it does not. Sincerely not trying to ruffle feathers … my intent is only to add to the conversation. God bless.

    • For Christians, those are the same things. If gay marriage isn’t biblical then it shouldn’t be legal. Unbelievers may vote whatever they like but it will never change what the Word of God says. The Bible is absolute truth, there is none other. Christians cannot and should not separate politics (or anything else for that matter) from our faith. Our faith encompasses everything. If the God I claim to love and serve is against gay marriage then why in the world would I be for gay marriage?? It doesn’t work that way.

      • I agree with most of what you are saying, but I think you need to be careful of the idea “…unbiblical then it shouldn’t be legal,” or at least explain that more clearly. A child being disobedient to parents is unbiblical, should this be illegal? It is unbiblical to worship other God’s, should we press the legality of this? There is a line that we should draw in using all of our resources to hold back the evil of men. And I think that line has to do with protection from others(ie murder, theft, etc.) and I would even stretch to taking our own life, but I don’t see much in the realm of using government as a tool of legislation. The government has the sword.

        Now I think there is a valid argument in saying we as a people under our government system(since we have a say in the government and what it does) can give privileges to what we deem as unique and special as a people. So I am in support of offering special benefits to male and female marriages, because their is something special in that they can have children. We can use our votes to say we want special protections given in these situations, but I know that this also means that societal views could change and shift to where the majority says they don’t mind everyone having these protections.

        I’m more for the idea of removing the privileges and taking marriage out of government protection altogether.

      • You’re right, I can’t take the “not biblical then not legal” thing too far. But whether something is approve by God or not is definitely going to influence whether I believe it is right or, in this case, legal. That was my main point. Thank you for pointing out the inconsistency.

  5. We live in a messed up, confused and distorted world that is far from that God wants for us. There are many unique individuals and unique life situations, that is why it is so important we don’t judge others. No-one but Jesus can see under someone’s skin to the reasons why they are the way they are. I do believe that homosexuality is wrong and we should stand up for the truth. But our primary duty on this earth is not to quote rules at people but to show people Jesus. It is only through seeing Him that people will be able to change anyway. (Jesus showed us how to do this again and again in His dealings with people. He never compromised God’s Word but He showed His love in a way only He can do. It is only when we copy Him that we can tackle this difficult subject.

  6. Perhaps some one would be so kind as to explain to me what positive value is being upheld by maintaining legal discrimination against same sex marriage (SSM)? I think legal equality is rather important and positive social value to uphold on its own demonstrable merits without calling upon some external authority to approve or disapprove this merit.

    Other than hand waving towards scripture – as if that were some kind of reasonable basis for the legal discrimination today when there is no evidence to support the assertion as ethical and much against it – I honestly don’t get why those who look to scripture for guidance aren’t satisfied to apply it’s acceptable precepts to themselves but must insist that it be imposed on everyone else on the authority of it being scriptural (well, some of it, you know… the good bits… but not the bad bits that can be safely rejected by me, the arbiter of the bible’s ethics because, well, they’re not quite so good…. but this bit about men lying with men, well, that’s one of the good bits because, well, the welfare of children and all that…). It’s incoherent because the claim to honoring scripture to impose legal discrimination on a select few breaks down to bigotry when examined in detail (I sincerely doubt anyone here supports the ethical treatment of others by way of biblical instruction – on how to treat slaves, for example – as anything but an anachronism of a time and place far removed from what is considered morally acceptable today). It’s nothing but a throw-away argument that avoids dealing with the problem of trying to deny to others in law what you yourself enjoy as a right. Although privileging opposite sex marriages may benefit you, denying legal equality to others on such a basis undermines the positive value of marriage itself. Standing against legal equality on the basis of scripture is an attack against the secular value of legal equality and requires a reasonable response to show how the discrimination promotes rather than hinders a public good. This is the argument missing in action and one that contrarians to legal equality have yet to successfully face. And this is why I ask in all sincerity for everyone who stands against SSM to enunciate what positive social value they are trying to uphold.

    So far I cannot find hide or hair for this assumed positive value. WI don;t think it exists. But what I can find in abundance is evidence of harm from its imposition not just to the principle of legal equality itself but to the individuals denied by law on the basis of sexual preference alone to have an equal opportunity to marry. As far as I can tell (and I have no specific horse in this race) there is no good reason with any positive value for maintaining the discrimination.

  7. Amen! Thank you for standing up and stating the truth in love… I think those who stay silent or “politically correct” on moral issues will be accountable for their lack of backbone. Everything you stated was right on, and graciously spoken. Thank you.

  8. The equal rights debate is null and voice because everyone in the U.S. already has the right to marry.. if they are eighteen.. sixteen in some states with parents consent. Gays can marry, the opposite sex. What is up for grabs is the very definition of what constitutes a marriage. The government protects what nurtures the next generation of citizens.. so it sanctions traditional marriage or a covenant relationship between a man and a woman. So equal rights is NOT at the heart of this debate.. it’s the core of marriage itself.. and acceptance of the gay community as an acceptable and alternative way of life.

  9. I think Christians aren’t dealing with the question of what they should do after marriage has been redefined by legislatures to include homosexual partnerships. It is my view that in that instance Christians should consider whether they ought to be married under the law of the land at all. Those who are already married but strongly object to homosexual marriage cannot get a legal divorce without being separated first and declaring a breakdown in their relationship. They should be allowed to abandon state marriage and continue their relationships unmarried by the state but married by God.

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